In today’s society, modern dating has evolved into a huge cluster of other people telling us how to think (self-loathingly), what to do (mainly involves waxing) and when to have sex without shame (usually on Tuesdays).
In retrospect, I never appreciated my right as a free-thinking women until earlier today, when a young southern belle informed me that women were put on this earth to serve their husbands.
Yeah…let that simmer in your mental crock pot.
Historically, women haven’t had much choice in relationships. If your father didn’t trade you for a goat, you applied for your indentured servitude license at the nearest palace and when Papa died of the Black Plague; he left you a horsehair blanket and a large debt to the old and excessively pervy Lord Miseryshire.
For a woman to survive she needed a sharp tongue and sharper wits to hide it- unfortunately back in the day, sharp wits would get you burned at the stake (the Salem witch trials were such a bitch, weren’t they?) The fairer sex became master manipulators just to land a spot in life where they weren’t beaten for letting the oven overheat. A few won their freedom in bloody kickboxing battles, or finally realizing that women might actually not go to hell, or explode into a shimmering red mist for enjoying sex.
Of course it doesn’t help that women have always been looked at as temptresses- we can thank the media for that. Notice how every woman’s magazine pays homage to the bullshit of the past while relentlessly throwing it in your face at a constant rate. The message is painfully clear; the modern woman is ready to go, even if she crushes the male pubic bone into powder getting there. Um, FALSE FALSE FALSE. All I ask for in this world is 30 minutes of foreplay and maybe a back rub. Men prefer about 30 seconds of foreplay. In fact, men consider driving back to her place part of the foreplay.
And for every page of anecdotal wisdom about how to please your man and hate your body, the pages are full of contradictions, stating that women want essentially everything men want, but feel guilty about it, or at least feel guilty about not feeling guilty about it. I mean, are we really still following the wisdom of Sex and the City?